i'll try and live again, just for you.

It wasn't real, at least not at the moments that counted. Now I lie here like a sunken ship at the bottom of the sea. Every thought of you makes my blood boil my skin sweat and my stomach turn to knots. I'd rather feel this way till the end of time then have to relearn everything. I don't trust anyone ever, i'm always anxious and paranoid. I almost forgot how to live. You can say I just won't let myself be happy, well I don't know how. I spent years listening to someone whisper how much they love me one day and scream how they can't stand me the next. I tried to run and everything just crept back up into me in the still of the night, I woke up shaking, sweaty, and crying. Everytime I think it's getting better the cycle starts up again. There seems to be no end in sight. She made me feel like I didn't deserve to breathe this air or walk on this earth. So there is one thing I can promise myself, this is the last thing I will ever write about her.