i miss her in places she's never been

This place is cold, baren, and vast. I walk outside into the cold for a smoke and all I see is crimson pouring over everything lighting up the night sky ,warming the soil and melting the ice. I must be sick, wires crossed, anything, i'm not supposed to yearn for something so destructive, something so orgasmic, something so bad. I try and run it out, I pull myself forward thinking of the future. My breathing gets deeper and my pulse speeds up, it's the same feeling I get afterwards except I feel sick to my stomach. I lay down in the snow and as soon as I catch my breath there's that thing pulling at me from inside again. I run home and up the stairs and stop at my doorway. It's in there, waiting for me, sharpened and polished. I run through the door almost tripping over myself. There she lays, waiting for me, yearning for me as I do for her. baby it felt like the first time..